Friday, Feb. 18th, 12:05pm

"I'm...fucking...Jesus."

Friday, Feb. 18th, 12:04pm

"I'm going back in the closet."

Thursday, Feb. 17th, 3:15pm

"I had just seen Dinner for Schmucks - and loved it - and then was totally blindsided by my boyfriend breaking up with me. So I never got to talk with anyone about how much I loved that movie and I kind of think that's why it didn't do well. That still weighs on me."

Thursday, Feb. 17th, 1:29pm

KRISTEN: “I’ll miss Friday dance party. It was a good calorie-burn.”

BLOG: “OMIGOD, TRACEY GOLD! Not everything is about losing weight.”

Wednesday, Feb. 2nd, 1:13pm

"I do blog about fecal matter - about shit - so that's cool."

Tuesday, Feb. 15th, 8:21am

"I don't know if it's Oprah or Wendy Williams, but black people looooooooooooooove being on TV."

Monday Feb. 14th, 11:57 a.m.

"I will eat anything."

Monday, Feb. 14th, 10:18am

"That would be a great way to shut her up: just stick a penis in her mouth."

Thursday, Feb. 10th, 3:33pm

"Sometimes I like to put peanut butter on my privates."

Thursday, Feb. 10th, 9:22am

"I feel like I'm not in control of what I'm saying."

Wednesday, Feb. 9th, 1:46pm

"I don't mean to be racist, and I blame Quentin Tarantino for this, but whenever I see Japanese girls chatting together I wonder what they are plotting."

Tuesday, Feb. 8th, 3:41pm

"I'll be a fluffer. Ten bucks. Okay fine...eight."

Tuesday, Feb. 8th, 3:29pm

"How are you going to teach you daughters to wipe their bums?"

Tuesday, Feb. 8th, 3:28pm

"Cool beans."

Tuesday, Feb. 8th, 3:23pm

"Bloggity, you've lost your homojo." -- Sandra

Monday, Feb. 7th, 2:20pm

"Look how big that guy is. He has a kid. Imagine that poor vagina."

Friday, Feb. 4th, 1:16pm

"I kiss so much ass."

Friday Feb 4 12:32

"Jack Layton you're kinda hot"

Friday, Feb. 4th, 10:52am

"I have never found a way to eat a banana that's not phallic."

Friday, Feb. 4th, 10:49am

"Did you know that the plural for vagina is not vaginas? It's vaginae."

Friday, Feb. 4th, 8:40am

"I'm a fucking resource."

Thursday, Feb. 3rd, 5:45pm

"Even when I'm crying I'm self-promoting."

Thursday, Feb. 3rd, 4:51pm

"Do you know how many times I've cried while eating a Big Mac? It's embarrassing."

Thursday, Feb. 3rd, 2:18 p.m.

"I will murder you."

Thursday, Feb. 3rd, 2:08pm

"I wouldn't date a colon. Might try touching one though."

Thursday, Feb. 3rd, 12:00p.m.

"I love 'Heartland'.  Actually I hate 'Heartland'.  Let's get drunk."

Thursday, Feb. 3rd, 11:59am

"My penis is like Precious. It gets abused regularly but always gets its man."

Thursday, Feb. 3rd, 9:01am

"I could never date a fat person. I could never take criticism from them because, you're fat, you can't stop putting food in your mouth."

Thursday, Feb. 3rd, 8:59am

"I will say that I don't google myself that often."

Wednesday, Feb. 2nd, 3:37pm

"Do you think the one person in Egypt who has died feels dumb?"

Wednesday, Feb. 2nd, 3:43pm

"I love funny whores."

Wednesday, Feb. 2nd, 3:42pm

"Ooh gross. It looks like I have AIDS on my head."

Wednesday, Feb. 2nd, 2:55pm

"If I'm a top 40 under 40 just imagine the awards party later that night. I might even use both hands."

Wednesday, Feb. 2nd, 2:54pm

"My right hand."

Wednesday, Feb. 2nd, 10:54am

"I don't know what's wrong with me. Wait. Is that the question?"

Wednesday, Feb. 2nd, 10:50am

"I'm going to die alone, aren't I?"

Wednesday, Feb. 2nd, 10:44am

"I'm going to pirouette out of here."

Tuesday, Feb. 1st, 3:47pm

"Remember when I drank year-old juice boxes? Ugh. What's wrong with me?"

Tuesday Feb 1st, 2:50pm

Valentines Day: "We could have a staff blood drive, I mean half the staff can't donate, between aids, tattoos and homosexuals"

Tuesday, Feb. 1st, 2:50pm

"This is a weird job. In one day I've emailed Skippy from Growing Pains and undressed a squirrel."