Monday, March 21st, 1:14pm

"I'm probably going to die in a Mexican alley after propositioning a 4 year old."

Wednesday, March 16th, 2:20pm

"Why do you guys argue with me? You know I'm wrong anyway."

Tuesday, March 15th, 8:41am

"I had a little pep talk with myself last night and I'm just going to be normal."

Monday, March 14th, 12:04pm

"I've got bigger fish to fly."

Friday, March 11th, 12:38 pm

Glancing at “breaking news” footage of 8.9 earthquake followed by tsunami: “Oh, no!!! The worst has happened!!! NO JUICEBOX!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Wednesday, March 9th, 2:19 p.m.

"My cheapness outweighed my horniness.  Which is always the case." 

Tuesday, March 8th, 12:09 p.m.

Boy/girl, it doesn't matter.  Hands are hands, and lips are lips. 

Wednesday, March 2nd, 1:21pm

"It's not often that I feel like a guy."