says bloggity

Friday, April 15th, 9:18 a.m.

"Sometimes don't you wish you could wear dresses?"

Monday, March 21st, 1:14pm

"I'm probably going to die in a Mexican alley after propositioning a 4 year old."

Wednesday, March 16th, 2:20pm

"Why do you guys argue with me? You know I'm wrong anyway."

Tuesday, March 15th, 8:41am

"I had a little pep talk with myself last night and I'm just going to be normal."

Friday, March 11th, 12:38 pm

Glancing at “breaking news” footage of 8.9 earthquake followed by tsunami: “Oh, no!!! The worst has happened!!! NO JUICEBOX!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Wednesday, March 9th, 2:19 p.m.

"My cheapness outweighed my horniness. Which is always the case."

Tuesday, March 8th, 12:09 p.m.

Boy/girl, it doesn't matter. Hands are hands, and lips are lips.

Wednesday, March 2nd, 1:21pm

"It's not often that I feel like a guy."

"I had just seen Dinner for Schmucks - and loved it - and then was totally blindsided by my boyfriend breaking up with me. So I never got to talk with anyone about how much I loved that movie and I kind of think that's why it didn't do well. That still weighs on me."

Thursday, Feb. 17th, 1:29pm

KRISTEN: “I’ll miss Friday dance party. It was a good calorie-burn.”

BLOG: “OMIGOD, TRACEY GOLD! Not everything is about losing weight.”

Wednesday, Feb. 2nd, 1:13pm

"I do blog about fecal matter - about shit - so that's cool."

Tuesday, Feb. 15th, 8:21am

"I don't know if it's Oprah or Wendy Williams, but black people looooooooooooooove being on TV."

Monday Feb. 14th, 11:57 a.m.

"I will eat anything."

Monday, Feb. 14th, 10:18am

"That would be a great way to shut her up: just stick a penis in her mouth."

Thursday, Feb. 10th, 3:33pm

"Sometimes I like to put peanut butter on my privates."

Thursday, Feb. 10th, 9:22am

"I feel like I'm not in control of what I'm saying."

Wednesday, Feb. 9th, 1:46pm

"I don't mean to be racist, and I blame Quentin Tarantino for this, but whenever I see Japanese girls chatting together I wonder what they are plotting."

Tuesday, Feb. 8th, 3:41pm

"I'll be a fluffer. Ten bucks. Okay fine...eight."

Tuesday, Feb. 8th, 3:29pm

"How are you going to teach you daughters to wipe their bums?"

Tuesday, Feb. 8th, 3:28pm

"Cool beans."

Tuesday, Feb. 8th, 3:23pm

"Bloggity, you've lost your homojo." -- Sandra

Monday, Feb. 7th, 2:20pm

"Look how big that guy is. He has a kid. Imagine that poor vagina."

Friday, Feb. 4th, 1:16pm

"I kiss so much ass."

Friday Feb 4 12:32

"Jack Layton you're kinda hot"

Friday, Feb. 4th, 10:52am

"I have never found a way to eat a banana that's not phallic."

Friday, Feb. 4th, 10:49am

"Did you know that the plural for vagina is not vaginas? It's vaginae."

Friday, Feb. 4th, 8:40am

"I'm a fucking resource."

Thursday, Feb. 3rd, 5:45pm

"Even when I'm crying I'm self-promoting."

Thursday, Feb. 3rd, 4:51pm

"Do you know how many times I've cried while eating a Big Mac? It's embarrassing."

Thursday, Feb. 3rd, 2:18 p.m.

"I will murder you."

Thursday, Feb. 3rd, 2:08pm

"I wouldn't date a colon. Might try touching one though."

Thursday, Feb. 3rd, 12:00p.m.

"I love 'Heartland'. Actually I hate 'Heartland'. Let's get drunk."

Thursday, Feb. 3rd, 11:59am

"My penis is like Precious. It gets abused regularly but always gets its man."

Thursday, Feb. 3rd, 9:01am

"I could never date a fat person. I could never take criticism from them because, you're fat, you can't stop putting food in your mouth."

Thursday, Feb. 3rd, 8:59am

"I will say that I don't google myself that often."

Wednesday, Feb. 2nd, 3:37pm

"Do you think the one person in Egypt who has died feels dumb?"

Wednesday, Feb. 2nd, 3:43pm

"I love funny whores."

Wednesday, Feb. 2nd, 3:42pm

"Ooh gross. It looks like I have AIDS on my head."

Wednesday, Feb. 2nd, 2:55pm

"If I'm a top 40 under 40 just imagine the awards party later that night. I might even use both hands."

Wednesday, Feb. 2nd, 2:54pm

"My right hand."

Wednesday, Feb. 2nd, 10:54am

"I don't know what's wrong with me. Wait. Is that the question?"

Wednesday, Feb. 2nd, 10:50am

"I'm going to die alone, aren't I?"

Wednesday, Feb. 2nd, 10:44am

"I'm going to pirouette out of here."

Tuesday, Feb. 1st, 3:47pm

"Remember when I drank year-old juice boxes? Ugh. What's wrong with me?"

Tuesday Feb 1st, 2:50pm

Valentines Day: "We could have a staff blood drive, I mean half the staff can't donate, between aids, tattoos and homosexuals"

Tuesday, Feb. 1st, 2:50pm

"This is a weird job. In one day I've emailed Skippy from Growing Pains and undressed a squirrel."

Tuesday, Feb. 1st, 8:05am

Mike: “It was something about a botched abortion.”

Sandra: “No; he worked in the Medical Examiner’s office.”

Mike: “It was an ABORTION!”

Sandra: “No; he worked…”

Mike: “AUTOPSY! I MEAN AUTOPSY!!!”

Monday, Jan. 31st, 2:37pm

"My life is not a blog."

Monday, Jan. 31st, 1:55pm

"Oh my god, my juice boxes have expired."

Monday, Jan. 31st, 1:54pm

"I went home this weekend and was analyzing the week to see what made me happy - and two juice box day was pretty huge."

Monday, January 31st, 11:41 a.m.

"I feel like Phil would be pokey."

Monday Jan 31 11:33

"Fuck you, Yawney you're not Bill Nye"

Monday, Jan. 31st, 10:19am

"I peed in Travis' house."

Sunday Jan 30 235am

"Sorry I have the emotional stability of Elizabeth Taylor"

Sunday Jan 30th 1:05am

"Travis stop being straight!"

Saturday, Jan 29th, 11:38pm

Mike: "I want to Dance!"
Travis: "No!"
Mike: "Why?! Are you the Mayor of Footloose?"

Friday, Jan. 28, 3:02pm

"I just want to help you guys with your passive-aggressive thing. No, not passive-aggressive. I don’t know what that means."

Friday, Jan. 28, 2:37pm

"Yes! Two juice box day!"

Friday, Jan. 28, 2:24pm

"It's weird that most sports initiations are way gayer than anything I've ever done."

Friday, Jan. 28, 11:14am

"I like buying cards."

Friday, Jan. 28, 8:35am

"How the fuck would I know what soccer practice jerseys look like? I'm from Fredericton. We wear white t-shirts for everything."

Friday, Jan. 28, 8:24am

"I've been called, like 6 times, the worst gay ever."

Thursday, Jan. 27th, 4:04pm

"I say crazy shit all the time."

Thursday, Jan. 27th, 3:57pm

"I need to retract the base. I just want someone, boy or girl, that I can go to second base with."

Thursday, Jan. 27th, 3:44pm

"My therapist stopped seeing me. Then I told her I stole a baby and she said she couldn't get into that with me."

Thursday, Jan. 27th, 2:31pm

"Can Charlie Sheen just die?"

Thursday, Jan. 27th, 2:07pm

"I don't sing through my nose."

Thursday, Jan. 27th, 1:54pm

"Maybe we can exhume Chris Farley's body and make him do weird celebrity impressions."

Thursday, Jan. 27th, 1:43pm

"I'm fucked up, Sandra."

Thursday, Jan. 27th, 1:10pm

"I like sweaters. And I'm not even going to feel bad about it."

Thursday, Jan. 27th, 12:24pm

"Can you press on my hand please?"

Thursday, Jan. 27th, 12:10pm

"What is he, the girl from Signs? Why does he need so many glasses of water?"

Thursday, Jan. 27th, 12:05pm

"It's been a long time since anyone touched me like that. But you're 18, right David?"

Thursday, Jan. 27th, 11:55am

"It's like asking Anne Frank for interior decorating tips."

Thursday, Jan. 27th, 11:45am

"I hate those avatar things, like make your own Simpsons character or Wii player, because the default setting is exactly what I look like. I don't even have glasses to add."

Thursday, Jan. 27th, 9:10am

"I'm not funny today. I'm just going to put my earphones in and shut up."

Wednesday, Jan. 26, 3:13pm

"If Nenshi called me and asked me on a date I would definitely go. Just so I could say later that I went on a date with him. But I'm totally not into him."